Oberazzi by CC via flickr

Being in a relationship which is supportive and fulfilling takes time and effort on both sides. Developing intimacy is a skill which involves knowing just how much you can ask of your partner without offending them. In the initial stages you are generally on tender hooks because you have to establish the boundaries in your relationship. Once these basic guidelines are in place it becomes that much easier to interact comfortably with your loved one. Here are some relationship questions that you may want to ask your sweetheart in order to help establish those boundaries.

1) Why didn’t you call me after our date?

There are all kinds of rules made up about appropriate behavior after a first date. Some tell you to wait before you call, while others ask you to call right away. It is quite a challenge to obey all the rules and get the right reaction from your date. Personally I would suggest you not ask this question when they eventually do get the courage to call you. It can serve no purpose, and after all they did call. 

2) When will you say you love me?

This one is more commonly asked by women who are extremely vocal about their feelings. Men, in general, tend to be more silent in their demonstrations of love. They tend to believe that actions speak louder than words, so their loving and caring behavior towards the woman should tell her how much they love her.

 3) Why do you still see your ex?

If you have come to a stage where you are considering a more serious relationship and it bothers you that your sweetheart still socializes with his or her ex, talk about it. It is better to let them know that the ongoing relationship bothers you, than to pretend everything is okay at first and to lose it at a later date. If they are really serious about you, they will ensure that the ex gets dropped from the list of friends that you two socialize with.

4) Can I leave my stuff at your place?

Shifting in together formally may take a while, but if you are spending enough time together at each other’s apartments you may want to leave some things over there. This is a perfectly reasonable question to ask after you have been together for a while and spent the night more than a few times. Actually moving in together may take up to a year or more.

5) Can we wait before we take the next step?

 Sometimes a relationship zooms so fast into your life that you are left feeling breathless. Things seem to be spiraling fast and you need some time out so it is perfectly alright to tell your partner how you feel. Make sure that they understand that just because you want to take things slow does not mean that you are less committed to the relationship.

6) Should I speak with your parents?

Speaking informally with the parents of your sweetheart signals the move of the relationship into a more serious mode. It would be best to leave things in the casual mode till the person you are involved with wants you to begin calling up their parents occasionally. However if you have hit it off with their mother or father and would like to stay in touch, let them know.

7) How many kids do you want to have?

This is not a question you ask a person you have been on just a couple of dates with.  If you have decided to get married then this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask. It would be a good idea to get their views on the subject and see if you are both on the same page. Some couples are happy beings DINKs (Double Income No Kids) while others feel that they must have at least two children. Both of you must want the same thing for the relationship to be successful.

8) Are you cheating on me?

This is a question one hopes never to ask. Unfortunately for every ideal relationship there is one that is never going to work out. If you feel insecure due to the behavior of your loved one, be open about it. In many cases lack of communication causes more problems. Should you feel that you are being neglected and the attention of your loved one is straying, asking this question may solve the relationship problems.

9) Why won’t you talk to me?

Is your conversation generally littered with long lines from you and mono syllabic replies from them? Give them the benefit of doubt as at times they could be tired, or pre-occupied with something that is worrying them. However if it happens repeatedly you need to let them know that an important conversation cannot be developed through single word answers. Communicating well is the key to maintaining any relationship.

10) Why can’t we hang out with my friends?

Both of you should get a chance to hang out with your own friends, as a couple and individually. If you are always spending time with the friends of one partner,  the other will naturally feel that their friends are not being accepted. Clear the air and maybe have a party that brings both sets of friends together to see how well they mingle.

Feature Writer : Cashmere Lashkari