Diffusing 3 Major Potential Relationship Problems: Sex, Money and Fights

Ed Yourdon, By CC via Flickr

Ed Yourdon, By CC via Flickr

Ask any happily married couple and you will be told that there are always some problems to be resolved in the relationship. The key to being very much in love is resolving them.

Not tonight darling, I’ve got a headache!

There comes a time in every relationship where the initial amore wears off and you are just not that interested in making out. If this happens after you get married, you may convince yourself that the initial fizz has worn off and that’s all there is to it. This is where you are wrong. Without the passion and excitement in bed, the rest of the relationship can fall apart very quickly.

The romantic feelings that you felt for your spouse before marriage do still exist. You just need to work hard to rediscover them in the comfortable zone of your relationship.  Dealing with a clash of desires is difficult and needs sensitive handling on both sides. Perhaps the easiest way to solve this problem is to sit down and communicate your needs to each other. Do this at a time when both of you are not tired and have time to spare. Have a cool headed discussion about what you want out of the relationship.

Once you have identified what each partner wants, work out viable solutions that are acceptable to both. If you are too tired after a whole day’s work, consider waking up early morning to do the deed. In case the romance is what turns you on, fix a weekly date at a comfortable time. It need not always be on the weekends, it can be whenever both partners find it convenient. The date itself could range from a long candlelit dinner or a quick burger together at lunch hour. Work out simple ways to keep the love alive with your partner. The effort you make will be appreciated and reciprocated in a loving relationship.

 I love you honey, till the money shows up! 

The economy of love also has its bursts and booms. This is true of everyone who has earned their keep before marriage. Earning your own money and spending it as you wish is no longer possible when you get married. Now you need to consider the needs of the household, and subsequently the kids, before you spend any money.  If your current lifestyle is highly extravagant, and does not cater to ground realities, there will be financial problems for the full family in the future.

Here’s how to resolve the situation. For starters do not blame one another for your money troubles. Plan your expenses for short term needs and long term goals together so that both partners are well aware of the financial state of affairs. Work out a reasonable budget per month and execute it. Don’t keep things like extra financial windfalls or gambling debts hidden from your spouse. Total disclosure is the way to build trust in a marriage where finances are concerned.

Appoint one person to pay the monthly bills, while the other can look after long term savings and investments. That way both are equally invested in the proper utilization of family resources. Talk about upcoming expenses such as school trips for the child, new car tires, or even a family holiday. Work out if these expenses can all be met and if they can’t, prioritize them fairly. No one should feel victimized by the process. Have a serious conversation and stay consistent with the decisions that you have made.

Fight you tooth and nail, right to the bitter end!

So you had a fight, do you think your relationship is over, or do you find a way to fix it? In each marital life some discord must fall, the difference between love and hate lies in how the couple deals with it. An occasional conflict of interest is normal for any two individuals as they are bound to have their own likes and dislikes. This can often lead to different points of view which lead to different attitudes towards the same thing or situation, eventually leading to an argument.

Trying to best your spouse in an argument, especially when you know you are in the wrong, is sure to spoil your relationship in the long run. Use humor to diffuse the situation if it seems to be getting explosive. You can’t laugh and be angry at the same time. Ditch the anger and hunt for your cool and calm self. Resolution is what is required to take the relationship forward and forge a stronger bond.

To do so you need to isolate the actual issue behind the fight. There is always an underlying cause to any argument that you have with your spouse. Sometimes it is easy to pin point, while at other times it may be difficult to trace. Make some effort to find the true reason for your argument then address it to find a solution.  Avoid fighting just for payback. Keep your compassion alive and empathize with their point of view. Remember that’s your lover not your enemy you are fighting with.

There is no obstacle so great that cannot be resolved by true love and understanding.  Remember the river cuts the rock not because of its power but because of its persistence. So be persistent in the pursuit of your love and you will be rewarded with a loving relationship.

Feature Writer : Cashmere Lashkari

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