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When you first moved in together you were not too sure if it was the dreamiest time of your life or the scariest. You went from being in a fun and easy relationship to one which was a more serious cohabitation. Sure it was nice to have someone to snuggle in bed with at night, but was it worth dealing with the lack of privacy and the mess of your partner’s stuff lying around the apartment? If your answer is a resounding yes, then you and your partner may be in a potentially serious……..

I mean ‘meet the parents’, ‘hire a band’, ‘select a wedding dress’ et al serious relationship. If that is true and the love of your life gets a transfer to another city, what should you do? Will you call it quits and nurse a broken heart over the relationship that may have been.  Or will you chuck everything in your old life and decide that you want to make a new life with your significant other? If both of them sound extreme courses of action to you, you may want to look around for a more viable option that both of you can accept. 

Long Distance Relationship Vs Moving to be Together

If you are in a loving relationship and your significant other is in a transferable job, should you move with them? There is always the hope that they may eventually move back to the same town and you can try a long distance relationship for that duration. No, their moving away may not necessarily sound the death knell for you relationship. A large number of people find that a long distance relationship is not as difficult a deal today as it was even a couple of decades ago.  Think about it. This could be the ideal solution.

The advent of new means of communication such as mobile phones, texting, instant messengers online, and email all lead to a kind of connectivity level which is very high, even if you are both not physically together. You can still share everything that has happened with you during the day almost instantly if you and your partner so desire. In a case you are still not sure where the relationship is headed, it would make sense to give a long distance relationship a shot rather than transplanting yourself to a new city just to be with the one you love.

 Is this relationship worth giving up on your job and prospective career for love?

This is the question to ask yourself. Remember if you want the relationship to work there must be no resentment at having to leave your family and job behind. Think about it with a cool head before you decide to make life altering decisions which will affect both of you. It is a good idea to have a long conversation about the future before you consider moving to be together. Remember both of you should feel lucky that you have each other. It should not feel like one partner is always getting it their way and the other one is constantly compromising.

Discuss each other’s aspirations and needs. Are the two of you looking at the same possible future or do you have vastly different premises on what you are wishing for. Think of your backgrounds and value systems. Do they match or is there a lot of disparity that may become a problem in the future. Both of you must want the same thing if the relationship has any chance of becoming a success. It may sound very clinical but it can help save you from a lot of heartache at a later date.

How long should you be with someone before you pack up and move for them?

Time is a relative thing. The actual duration that you have been together before you get serious about each other can be different for each couple. A decision of this magnitude can certainly not be made overnight. I am a bit of a traditionalist and could not consider leaving my family and job behind without getting married first. There may be those amongst you who may not need the legal sanction afforded by marriage and may be perfectly  happy to continue moving with each other even without this lifelong commitment.

If you feel pressurized to move, do not consider it. If it is the right decision for you there will be no pressure, only pleasure in being with your partner. The mere fact that you are feeling some anxiety means that it may not be the right decision for you to take. Consider waiting for a predetermined period of time and then reassessing the situation. For instance you can go into a long distance relationship mode if one partner must move away for a year. Then at the end of the year the two of you can decide if you want to shift to be together again.

Considering the long term effect of your decision it would be wise not to rush into such a situation. If one partner is willing to relocate to accommodate the other, the other should also be willing to do the same. In a good relationship there is mutual respect and love in equal measure. One person is not expected to move just because the other decides to follow a better career opportunity.

Feature Writer : Cashmere Lashkari